my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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