I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
