yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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