it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Randomize
