How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
