What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize