Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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