toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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