Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
not ubering you a puppy
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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