I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
