Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I wish there were birth control emojis
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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