just tell him i said nine months
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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