Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
