wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
