Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
