Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Randomize
