thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
