flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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