If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
