I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i just google imaged poop.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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