I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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