Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
