I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
My vagina just recognized that song.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
