I puked a lego.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
