i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
