if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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