i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
