I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
