the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
