now i know why i became what i already was.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
