so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
