Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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