I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
