He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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