I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
