I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
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