I should be sponsored by Trojan
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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