my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
