Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Pooping to opera.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
