these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
