He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
As shirtless as possible
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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