Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
