I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
