oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
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