i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Randomize
