This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
