who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
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