make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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