Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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