Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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