just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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