I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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