Got a toothbrush?
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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