I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize