don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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