this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
