guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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