Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize