i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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