I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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