you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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