Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
