Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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