yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
