my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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