And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
My bed smells like the plague
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
