why do cheetos always look like penises
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
