The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
