i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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