Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
