Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
