Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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