walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
