he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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