Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize
