If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
