Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
