Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
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