you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
