i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
